No partner yet? How to find a partner as an expat!


Moved to a new place and the main necessities are sorted? Job is going good, money situation is sorted and you have your house? If that is so, congrats!

You will, like every person, then start looking to find your special someone with whom you can share your time and the fun of living abroad. And this is where it gets difficult... 

The locals you meet are all not interested in you. 

 Yep, that is normal (unless you live in South East Asia and you have white skin, as the beauty standards there are "White Skin". I can expand on this but will leave it for another News post). The reason for this lies in biology: 

The human has it in his DNA that he/she should always try to achieve the most with the smallest input of energy. 

Now put yourself in the shoes of a local (for simplicities sake I will assume that the local is female, so a "she"). She has to spend energy to understand whatever you are saying since you are most likely not fluent in the local language (same applies when having even the slightest accent). Why would she need to? She can just turn around and talk to either her friends or to someone else. She would spend much less energy talking to her friends that she can understand without any problems.

Also, remember you are a foreigner, which means that you will have an additional hurdle to overcome. Being foreigner means that the other person who you are dealing with are a bit more insecure in how to deal with you. Put both together and your chances of finding your partner within the locals are... slim.

Sure, they exist, especially if you speak the language fluently and if you have adapted to the local culture completely, but they are normally rare. Most local + international couples that I know of (I have not checked the statistics, I am talking of personal experience) have either met in some other country or the local is also a re-pat (an expat that lives now back in his own country) or that has a special affinity to a country.

What to do then?

There is one part of society where you will never be an outsider if you are not a local and that is inside the expat community. Simply download the International friends app (APP STORE and GOOGLE PLAY) and come to events organised by members of the community for members of the community. You will get automatic connections with the people you meet at the events once you register to the event. BE AWARE:  International Friends is NOT a dating site. 

If you want to find a partner (NOT a one-night stand...) then read on... 

How International Friends forges relationships

 International Friends is clearly a social network that favours real life meetings for expatriates. It is all about meeting up and getting to know people while also creating a community feeling as people can simply ask questions in the main forum. Furthermore it allows the user to search for Job, sell and buy typical stuff that expats would sell and interact with other people openly and in public. If you have met the person at an event, then you get automatically connected and you can also use private messaging with that person. 

It is for expatriates getting to know other expatriates or locals that are open to other cultures.

If you are only, and exclusively, looking for a romantic encounter (or are just trying to get laid) then it is the wrong place for you. But if you are patient and friendly then it may be the site for you...

Below I will explain how I have been able to use the meet-up potential of International Friends for my advantage (this is how I met my wife).

Finding a partner... It is a simple numbers game...

Please bear with me for the unusual look out on it, but it is not madness or lack of empathy, it is just an analysis of the problem. Lets break down the problem of find a partner into simple mathematics. Everyone is attractive, some physically more than others, but this is not the point here. Let's say that you have a chance of finding the right partner of 1 out of 500 people you meet (not just a Hi but people that you actually speak to for more than a few sentences). That means that if you meet 500 people then there is 100% chance of meeting the one member of the opposite gender ( I will publish another article for same gender partnerships in the coming weeks) that will be interested in you and that will find you attractive (and vice-versa).

The solution is therefore easy. 

The chances of actually meeting people are slim with the locals (unless you are very very lucky... this does not apply to central african countries or south east asians if you have white skin). So just come to a LOT of meet-ups from International Friends.

Simple numbers game. The more people you meet, the more likely you are of finding the one that is interested in you. Be friendly to everyone and talk with everyone and make loads of new friends. 

IMPORTANT: The first step is to make new friends. Do not go to the meetings in order to find a girl/boyfriend, go to them in order to meet people. You will relax and only then can you find your partner.

Only come to events that you would like: This is an important point. You will only meet your partner at an event as you will have straight away something to share together!

There are no events that you would like: Everyone can create events on International Friends. This has several advantages: 

1) You will be able to meet really loads of people, 

2) you will be doing something that you love and 

3) You will get a reduction at any of the courses or travels that International Friends proposes. It is dead easy to create an event. International Friends has given a helpful description: HOW TO CREATE AN EVENT

-> At first you may be feeling unsure if people will join. I can assure you that the chances are very good for that to happen. The invitation to your event goes out to every member of the community and, since there are several thousand members in each community, the likelyhood of having the same interests as you are high (here you have the numbers game again :) )

-> What to do if nobody is interested in your event: do not despair, that may very well happen as people are getting used to you creating events. If nobody showed up at the event, you have not lost anything. Simply create a similar event a week or two later and then there will be people showing up. International Friends has given some helpful hints here as well: HOW TO MAKE YOUR EVENT SUCCESSFUL

In conclusion...

Finding a partner is a simple numbers game. You need to increase your chances of meeting your partner. As an expat, you can do that quite simply by going to events organised inside International Friends (I have posted the links to the apps and they are at the top of the page anyway). The best tip I can give you is to organise events yourself as you will meet loads of people and do the stuff you love. 


Comments 2

Guest - Zeeshan Khan on Sunday, 30 December 2018 21:06

Thank you. This is such a wonderful article. Certainly helpful for the expats. I'm sure everyone visiting Germany as a foreigner gets some really good tips from here. Thank you and Best Wishes from an expat.

Thank you. This is such a wonderful article. Certainly helpful for the expats. I'm sure everyone visiting Germany as a foreigner gets some really good tips from here. Thank you and Best Wishes from an expat.
Tim Lavagi on Sunday, 30 December 2018 21:22

Happy that you liked it! Just forward it to other expats if you found it helpful

Happy that you liked it! Just forward it to other expats if you found it helpful :)
Friday, 30 September 2022

Captcha Image